Top 10 Tuesday - TV Characters I want to be

In honor of Gossip Girl starting and the awesomeness of Chuck Bass, today's top ten list is What 10 TV Characters would I like to be. Ground Rules - You get their life and in their time. Factors included quality of life, happiness, appeal with the ladies, money, friends, psychological issues, among others. Here is the list.

10. Jim Halpert (The Office) - Pros - Got the girl of his dreams, is the puppet master of the office, seems to have everything he wants; Cons - No money, no ambition, struggled for years to summon the courage to go after the girl, sits next to Dwight and takes orders from Michael Scott.

9. Sam Malone (Cheers) - Pros - Surrounded by friends all day, is his own boss, has a boat, classic ladies man, loves his life; Cons - loses the bar a couple times, always being punked by Gary's, can't drink, doesn't get the girl of his dreams (or does he).

8. Denny Crane (Boston Legal) -Pros - He's Denny Crane, rich, powerful, successful (never lost), honest, happy, loves the ladies, makes no apologies for who he is; Cons - on the downside of life, has Alzheimer's, firm taken by the Chinese.

7. Jack Donaghy (30 Rock) - Pros - Similar to Denny, rich, powerful, successful, loves the ladies; Cons - mother issues, big time father issues, constantly has to look over his shoulder.

6. Eric Taylor/Tim Riggins/Matt Saracen (Friday Night Lights) - Pros - OK I combined these three because they are here for similar reasons...extremely decent, loyal, family oriented, the kind of guys you want to go into battle with and/or for, they all are with the girls they belong with, they love their lives and what they do, and they love their town; Cons - the have no money and no prospect to make money, either just graduated or got fired and face huge unknowns in a bad economy with questionable skill sets.

5. Clark Kent (Smallville) - Pros - Uh, how about the power of flight? That do anything for ya? It's levitation homes. He is invincible, immortal, and full of fun party tricks, has the ability to throw enemies into space, and the ladies love him; Cons - Can't ever seem to get with Lois, can't have sex with humans, responsible for the safety of all of humanity, entire family is dead.

4. Vincent Chase (Entourage) - Pros - a single A-list actor (or at least B+), surrounded by his best friends, surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world who throw themselves at him, might have one of the coolest jobs in the world, loyal, a great friend; Cons - not sure if he any good at his job, how long can he get by on his looks, can't drive, totally dependant on others, kind of lonely.

3. Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl) - Pros - an 18 year old billionaire playboy, got the girl of his dreams, does what he wants when he wants, He's Chuck Bass; Cons - his parents are dead, dad was mean to him, no real friends, questionable outfits, very restless.

2. Don Draper (Mad Men) - Pros - the American dream personified at a time when it was attainable and worth it, king of the world, a man's man, wealthy, beautiful wife, boozes and smokes at work, great at his job, every women wants him and every man wants to be him; Cons - has a lot of demons, mother was a whore, father was cruel, constantly living a lie, in a love-less marriage.

1. Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld) - Pros - Great job, great "friends", completely at ease with who he is and his place in the world, loves being himself, successful with the ladies and with creating a germ free environment; Cons - his friends are terrible friends and can't be relied on, relationships are doomed to failure, spent time in jail.


Honorable Mention:

Titus Pullo, Al Swearengen, Jack Shepard, Hank Moody, Michael Kelso, Zack Morris, John Dorian, Lenny Briscoe, Fox Mulder, Chris Stevens

Also considered - Sam Seaborn, Josiah Bartlet, Jack Bauer, JR Ewing, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Cliff Huxtable, Larry David, Lee Adama, Turtle, Ari Gold, Alex P. Keaton, Michael Seaver.

What to Watch tonight - 09/14/09

I watched True Blood and Hung last night, but with all the football I took in I didn't get to watch Entourage or Mad Men. So here are my top priorities of the night...

- Of course, the Gossip Girl premiere is tonight. (8pm on the CW) High School has never been more ridiculous. I mean every 16 year old bar hops, drinks martinis, and has a driver, right?

- Monday Night Football, specifically the early game Buffalo at New England. I am curious to see how Brady comes back from his knee injury and how T.O. handles his new team and their historically weak offense.

- I need to watch Mad Men. Entourage would be a bonus but that could be pushed back another day.

I will recap yesterday's football, True Blood, and Hung later on.

Guest Blogger - Sunday at the VMA's

A good friend of mine, MJH, has offered to guest blog from to time to time and offer his insight into pop culture and TV. Here is his inaugural contribution...

Sunday, for me, was both a good and very bad day of music television for me. Since my NFL team, the Bengals, doesn't get TV coverage on the east coast, I treated myself to flipping between the US Open Federer match (one of the best match's of the past few years IMO) and...get ready for it...Austin City Limits. ACL is one of those shows that I never know is on TV, but when it's on, I always watch it. Today I was treated to Drive by Truckers, an "alt-country" band a la Whiskeytown et. al. While the show originally aired last September, the music was still awesome. Watch some video and get the set list here:

I then treated myself to the aural waterboarding that is the MTV Video Music Awards. There's really too much to blog about this one, so here are some bullet points:

• MJ tribute was cool...Madonna says her kids are running around the house grabbing their crotches as inspired by MJ. I suspect he wasn't their inspiration.
• Janet Jackson is still hot, although she clearly smoked a pack of Pfunks before the show.
• Russell Brand is awful. Painfully unfunny really. While England is the home of Burberry, The Rolling Stones, and Jude Law, Mr. Brand makes me proud to be an Amurrican (that's my shout out to my tea party peeps...wait...I don't have tea party peeps).
• We should send Dane Cook to Europe to host the Europe VMA's in retaliation.
• Katy Perry sucks. I have nothing more to say about that.
• If you didn't think Kanye was a dick when he told America that GWB hated black people, you must agree that his stunt tonight with Taylor Swift was pretty redic. I expect him to appear on youtube kicking a puppy or shaking a baby for his next trick.
• Kanye makes me feel that Joe Wilson is kinda' hip-hop.
• The house band that's playing when they cut to commercial is pretty good. I'd prefer to hear them over most of the acts tonight.
• Lady Ga Ga is bloody. Revoke my gay card. I don't get it.
• Beyonce is superhuman. Her performance tonight was great, even if you don't like the music.
• Lady Ga Ga accepts her award wearing a lace body stocking that covers her face with a matching crown. Perez gives her a standing-O, America says WTF?
• Lady Ga Ga changes outfits and now is wearing a birds nest on her head...or maybe it's a costume from the Lion King.
• Beyonce gave Taylor Swift another opportunity to give an acceptance speech. Suck it Kanye.
• Jay-Z performs with Alecia Keys...suck it Kanye.

Overall, I learned the following from the VMA's:

• Madonna has had work done on her face
• There were only 3 music videos this year

In non-music-tv news:

• The Bengals are going to be shitty again. This is my lot in life.
• The Sunday morning pundits are starting to agree that there is no way Obama can keep all of his health care promises he made during his Wednesday speech.
• Joe Wilson maybe-kinda-sorta-a little bit-may have been right.
• Serena Williams is a beast. That line judge pissed herself.
• Roger Federer is a golden god.
• Thank you public television for giving us re-runs of Jacques Pepin and Julia Child culinary duet show.
• I can't wait for Glee this week.
  

Gus Johnson has a new one to add to the collection...

Gus Johnson is the best play by play guy in all of sports. His calls are so enthusiastic and emotional you can't help but get caught up in it. Click here to check out his call of today's best play (via the Big Lead).

I can't wait for March Madness. Long live Gus.

The Top 11 Returning Comedies this Fall

I did my fall preview. You can check it out right here. I have identified 40 shows I want to watch this fall. Am I sick? Yes. I know I am. You don't think I realize that. I relish in it. To relish in my sickness a little further, I love lists. I can't get enough of them. If I see an article or a website or a show that has a list or a countdown of anything, I have to watch. I must know what is number one. Did I see it? Was I there? Do I remember it? Are they completely wrong??? I am going to start a series of lists. I am thinking every Tuesday. Top Ten Tuesday. That my friends, is called alliteration.

But today is Saturday and this list has 11. As Bluto once said, why not? I couldn't narrow it down to 10 and I didn't want to wait till Tuesday. Here is my list of the best returning comedies this fall. Ground Rules - The shows have to be returning because I haven't watched any of the new ones yet. I will do a list of the top or most anticipated new shows in my mind. Also, it has to be airing new episodes this Fall. East Bound and Down, etc. will have to wait their turn. Let the countdown begin...

11. Parks & Recreation - This show is going into its second season and I am really hoping it picks up the pace a little. The awkward pause works for Steve Carrell but I am not in need of another slice of the same pie on the same night. If one of the new comedies is any good, this one is the clubhouse leader to fall out.

10. New Adventures of Old Christine - It is a nice show. It is somewhat funny, very familiar, and it has Elaine as a desperate MILF. But it lacks in originality. It is a little vanilla.

9. Family Guy / 8. The Simpsons - I may be a little low with these shows. Five years ago they would have been much higher. I think they may be becoming a little tired and old now. But more than that, I think I am taking them for granted. I am not surprised by them. They have been good for so long now that they can't do anything but disappoint. Has there ever been higher praise for a cartoon?

7. Big Bang Theory - Season 2 comes out on DVD on September 15. It is sitting on the top of my queue right now staring at me. Since I have only seen season 1, this ranking is subject to change.

6. How I Met Your Mother - Barney rules. This show rises and falls with Barney. The other characters don't suck, but Barney makes me set my DVR every week. The episode themes are great. The Crazy-Hot line is classic. Very Seinfeldian. The characters are also my age. I actually don't care who the mother is. Is that wrong of me?

5. Californication - I still have two episodes left in season 2. This show gets bumped up a couple slots solely because of Mulder. The show is also a little bit of a cry for help, isn't it? It is so unapologetically sexually impulsive you almost miss the fact that it is smart and sometimes has a heart.

4. The Office - Pam and Jim are the first TV relationship I care about in a sitcom since Sam and Rebecca on Cheers (I am a little too young for Diane). Maybe Kevin and Winnie are a better comparison. I mean who doesn't want them together? The comedy comes from Michael playing the role of a one man band, running around like a nut trying to get these workers to laugh, cry, love, or feel anything...while they try to keep a straight face and not be terribly insulted. Jim makes snide comments and goofy faces. Dwight says something crazy. Throw in a prank and you have the office. This show has the biggest heart in all of TV.

3. Always Sunny in Philadelphia - The trend, started by Seinfeld, is that it is funny when people are selfish, borderline evil, crazy, and/or mean to each other. Arrested Development took it farther, Family Guy a little more, and this show went way farther. It is like a live action Family Guy, but meaner. It has the interwoven story lines of Seinfeld too. The show is one of the very few shows that can actually surprise you and make you laugh out loud.

2. 30 Rock - This show was a total surprise to me. A revelation of the genius of Tina Fey. I am 100% sold on her. She plays self deprecating better than anyone right now. The show basically is Tina Fey having her spirit slowly crushed by the world, her poor choices, and most of all, by her co-workers. Alec Baldwin is epic as Jack Donaghy. And nobody plays crazy like Tracy Morgan. It is the best network comedy by a clear margin.

1. Curb Your Enthusiasm - I always described this show as Seinfeld with curses. EW described it as Seinfeld on steroids and downers. Larry is the opposite of Liz Lemon. Instead of fielding insults and trying to organize chaos, Larry dishes out the insults and brings a hurricane of chaos wherever he goes. The legend of the show is that it is mostly ad libbed. The storylines are laid out as an outline and the actors fill in the spaces. The celebrities that play themselves are almost always classic. The show is everything you want it to be. I can't wait to see how the Seinfeld reunion turns out.

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The Ballad of GI Joe

I posted this once, but it bears reposting. I have watched this about 10 times and it gets better each time. My favorite lines are :

Scarlett sits at night and wonders...

Night falls on the Cobra Terrordrome... and

Cobra Commander loves 70s boogie.

MUST WATCH THIS

Scarlett - Julianne Moore
Zartan - Billy Crudup
Snowjob - Zach Galifianakis
Baroness - Olivia Wilde
Lady Jaye - Alexis Bledel
Dr. Mindbender - Tony Hale
Duke - Henry Rollins
Gung-Ho - Chuck Liddell
Shipwreck - Alan Tudyk
Destro - Vinnie Jones
Doc - Laz Alonso
Tomax/Zamot - Joey Kern
and also featuring...
Sargent Slaughter as himself
Jamin Fite as Cobra Commander
Frankie Kang as Storm Shadow
Geoff Mann as Buzzer
Andreas Owald as Snake Eyes
Daniel Strange as Torch
Kevin Umbricht as Ripper

(* Props to Glen for the cast list.)